Inspired

You know when you get the urge to write because you feel like you just have to get something out? That's exactly how I feel. Problem is...I had no idea what to write. And then I heard this. Exactly what I want to say.

 Turning Tables

''Close enough to start a war,

All that I have is on the floor,
God only knows what we're fighting for,
All that I say, you always say more,

I can't keep up with your turning tables,
Under your thumb, I can't breathe,

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me,
I cant give you what you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,
To turning tables,

Under hardest guise I see, ooh,
Where love is lost, your ghost is found,
I braved a hundred storms to leave you,
As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down,

I can't keep up with your turning tables,
Under your thumb, I can't breathe, 

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me,

No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me,
I cant give you what you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,
Turning tables,

Next time I'll be braver,
I'll be my own savior,
When the thunder calls for me,
Next time I'll be braver,
I'll be my own savior,
Standing on my own two feet,

I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me,
I can't give you what you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,
To turning tables,
Turning tables, yeah,
Turning, oh.''

-Adele

Put Me on the Road I'm Traveling On

It’s easy to blame the present on the past. In fact, it’s the easiest thing in the world. We fill our entire life with the “what ifs” and “if onlys”, just to think about what life would have been like had we made the other decision. Was I wrong? Should I have done it? Where would I be? What would my life be like?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. I have major decisions that lie ahead of me and I’m stuck between the past and the present. Stuck going back over all of the “what ifs” I once considered. It’s funny too, because the decision that YOU make doesn’t simply affect you, but it changes so many other lives. It’s crazy to think if I hadn’t made some pretty vital changes how I would be living right now. Where I would be…who I would be.

I’m happy with life. Happy with my decisions, happy with the who and the what. Some people can’t even imagine flipping that around to 180, but I thrive on it. Change is definitely what keeps me going and I feel like although I’m turning (what feels like an old) 24 next month, now is the time to make things happen. I should feel afraid, uncertain or even hesitant. How I really feel is exhilarated, elated and euphoric. With change comes chance, and I’m going to take it. I’m not asking for opinions, I’m not even asking for support. I’m going to be taking big steps in the months to come. I’ve never regretted anything in my life; I can’t begin to start now…

Epiphany.

Live and Simply.

Two words that can definitely be interchangeable. Do I want to live simply...or simply live?

I feel like most people can do both. I missed that gene/way-of-life/memo. Maybe one day I'll wake up and decide that I want to live simply. Like Amish people simple. Nothing against the Amish at all considering I grew up around many of them, but they got it right.Well, alright maybe not THAT simple. At least living in the same town...city...state...OK hell country would even do.

I can remember moving down to North Carolina and not being scared at all. I knew one person that I was going to school with but aside from that I was at least 500 miles away from the nearest family I have. I thought that was exhilarating. I felt free (not that I was held capture in Ohio). Five years later, I still feel that freedom. I love my independence and my life here. So why does it feel like I'm looking for something more?

I would like to say it's hard imagining living somewhere else. I wish that were the case, but it's not. I love North Carolina but I also loved Ohio and we all saw how long that lasted after graduation.I'm debating once my lease is up (assuming I still want to stay in Charlotte by July) about moving into the city. I live in Charlotte right now, but I want to live IN Charlotte. Jin lives there and I absolutely love going to her apartment. It's in an amazingly ideal location in uptown and close to the Panthers stadium. Actually, it would be ideal if the Panthers actually were worth going to watch. Ok, so ALMOST ideal (sorry Panther fans).

Maybe it's because I'm twenty something (I feel so old), that my heart remains restless. Or, maybe I just need something about living in the city to scare the shit out of me. But right now I feel fearless and like I can do anything. Maybe that's just who I am. Maybe I'm just "simply living" because I know no other way. Maybe this is who I've always been, it was just being masked by something I was trying to be.

Heads/Tails

The song goes something like this...

"Call it in the air,
Heads or Tails,

Heads we go to London,

And try to save the queen,
Tails we go to Paris,

And try our hand at Romance,

Either way we're flying,

And at least I've got a chance,

At least I've got a chance."

Typically I find songs that I hear one time and simply fall in love. With this one, it's head-over-heels. I've been so restless lately. Completely fighting the urge deep within me to travel far, far away. I guess I traveled to PA within the last few weeks but let's be honest...PA hardly counts when it's on business. However it is always nice seeing places that I've never seen before.

Anywho, I don't really know where I get this "urge". I don't feel like anyone in my family has it and if they do, they certainly haven't made me aware of it. I've lived in North Carolina for roughly 5 years now and I feel a big change is needed sometime in the near future. I've moved 10 times in those 5 years and I've only been content for months at a time. I have a feeling small moves around the Charlotte area aren't cutting it. This is something I've been thinking about for awhile. Well...since I wasn't able to go to England.

I don't think I'm considering a move that drastic. I'm just considering something new...something unfamiliar. It's almost an intern struggle, though. I feel as though what life I have built here will be greatly missed. I don't have any family to leave this time, but the friends...the friends I would have to leave just like the ones I left in Ohio.

I want to believe that this is all a part of growing up. Of experiencing life outside of the world we grow up in. The problem is I left that world awhile ago to start another one. I wonder when this feeling will end. How many times do I have to leave what I create to feel content? How many more moves are in my future...

It's time to get personal

The reason for my absence from this blog is because since I was 7 years old I've chosen to write elsewhere. Sometimes I find it appropriate to post to this blog, but mostly I write in a private journal that only 1 person has seen aside from myself...and definitely not in it's entirety. I fell as though it's the one thing in my life that I actually have to myself. I also don't feel as though I need to sensor myself in any way and I can simply write how I feel. And as far as I'm concerned, that's how it should be.

I've decided to give this a chance as a change of pace and see if it's any more beneficial for me for others to see what I'm going through. I have a feeling it's going to be hard for me to "un-sensor" my public blog, but it's worth a shot. So, hurrr goes...

I MUST talk about the amazing, phenomenal, brilliant (ok, you get the picture) concert I went to this past Wednesday where Ari Herstand, Zach Berkman and Ron Pope performed. I've actually never been to such an intimate concert in a small venue before so I wasn't sure what to expect. Needless to say, I definitely prefer it. I literally walked into the Evening Muse on cloud 9 and walked out on cloud 109. Ron's music has gotten me though a lot. I'll never forget first hearing "Drop in the Ocean" and being completely fixated on the fact that he was singing about my life at that exact moment. To see the music that gets you through even the toughest times actually come to life is so surreal. Of course, after listening to Ari and Zach as well I gained even more great music to add to my life's playlist.

It's truly amazing how music gets me through life. How on even the worst days it can make it so much better. Those three are constantly on repeat in my bedroom, my car and at work. If your interested in listening to music with real meaning and to people with natural, raw talent...I promise you won't be disappointed. Check out Whatever it Takes Tour here!