Saying Goodbye

I’m wondering if all people go through things like this-- realizing that they have a lot of unfinished business. While I was thinking about it, the best analogy I could think of was a revolving door. Throughout my life, I keep opening all of these doors. Sometimes I’ll peek at what may be behind them, but sometimes I’ll just open them for the sake of opening them. Let that be curiosity or shear boredom, I’m always leaving things open or unfinished; projects, books, relationships. I especially have a hard time closing the relationship doors. I’m not going to lie, that takes a lot of courage to say-- as that could affect a lot of people that are reading this. It’s not that I don’t want to, believe me with most of them, I absolutely 100% want to. But in the way that a couple of them ended, it’s like I’m constantly being haunted by them over and over and over again. It’s that revolving door that keeps slapping me in the face to remind me, “Hey, remember me? I’m still here...”


Ha, I sound like I need therapy. Hardly. Trying to reason things out with another person for me only raises more questions. No. What I need is closure, brutal…honest, closure. I’m not talking about just romantic relations, either. Regardless, I think it’s time to clean out my closet so-to-speak (or write). It’s so hard when there becomes such a fine line between wanting to have someone in your life because of past and knowing to make the future better sometimes they can’t be there. I guess I had better be careful what doors I choose to shut, and that’s what I need to base it on. Despite the past, what about the now? It’s time to get real with what lies ahead. I can’t keep going back to the comfort of what no longer exists for one reason or another. I’ll never be ready to say goodbye, but when it’s over I certainly hope I can find the strength to go.